November 2008

Basking in the aftermath of yesterday's excellent win, it's always funny to look at the centre of excellence for cruelty to the English language that is the Corby forum.

Typical is this effort:

"bad result, its just a shame only a couple of there fans travelld here to see there CUP-FINAL"

Ignore the grammar and the spelling and you are left with the sentiment that Corby are a big club and teams should be excited about playing there. Firstly, Corby haven't finished above Halesowen in the pyramid since 1992/93 so we're not exactly talking about giants of the non-League game. Secondly, as I may have mentioned previously, Corby is not the most desirable place to go as it is (a) a concrete hell-hole and (b) inhabited by some knuckle-dragging morons. Have a look for yourself.

Added Saturday 29th November

Corby Town 1 Yeltz 2

Stick that up yer kilt and light it.

Added Friday 28th November

Morell Maison's dastardly plot to win the league #1:

Ahead of tomorrow's trip to Little Scotland Morell said: "This game will not decide the championship because we both have more than 30 games to play."

We have already played 15 so I will confidently predict that if we play 46 or 47 games then we could well win the league bearing in mind everyone else is playing 42. I think even Ken Turner might notice that.

Added Tuesday 25th November

Bedworth United 0 Yeltz 2

Four wins out of four and what seems like a fairly straightforward passage into the 3rd round of the GX Cup. Despite the best efforts of necromancer Ken Turner we'll win it this year.

Added Monday 24th November

I missed the players warming up on Saturday due to being in the pub but apparently Shane Paul was with the squad. He is still a way from getting back in the first team fold but, nearly nine months after his leg break against Banbury, it is good to see there may be light at the end of the tunnel for him. The club has done the right thing and stood by him this far so hopefully they'll continue to do so until his rehabilitation is complete - however long that takes - and give him the chance to get back into the first team.

Added Sunday 23 November

Game of the season so far. Goals from our new Portuguese heroes, red cards (for them) and penalties (for them) made for an exciting afternoon.

Their manager, ex-Fairport Convention guitarist Richard Thompson, was sent from the touchline and was moaning in the papers this morning about the ref saying: "There was no way we were going to come out on top whatever we did."

Firstly, it is strange to hear such accusations of bias against a referee who has awarded you not one but two penalties and secondly, I would humbly suggest that conceding 5 goals probably had more of a bearing on the result.

It seems Mr Thompson is a member of the "all decisions for us = good, all decisions for them = bad" school of referee-assessment which makes him an idiot in my mind, and therefore he is a new entry in the Bright Golden Haze list of the same name.

Added Friday 21st November

Whilst Halesowen is rocked by murderous activity I have nothing more to offer than transfer tittle-tattle.

We are again being linked to Cortez Belle- the man mountain who spurned us for Chippenham in the summer. With their money problems he may well be off-loaded in our direction.

Rumours still persist concerning Anthony Robinson, a player so nomadic he makes Dean Brennan look like Paul Scholes.

Whether these moves come off or not (and it certainly seems that Morell Maison is keen) I am getting increasingly confident about this season. It could be the first of the weekend beer taking an early hold but some of my previous doubts are disappearing.

Added Tuesday 18th November

Halesowen Town 2 Mangotsfield United 0

Ponytail? Check. Gold boots? Check. Slight propensity to dive? Check.

New Portuguese striker Ruben Silvio Lino Gouveia ticks all the boxes for the stereotypical continental striker. Fortunately he also looks like a quality player. As does Nuno Baretto in midfield. Maybe they will make an Eldon size impact after all.

Apart from a ropey ten minutes tonight was a routine win and basically over after two goals in the first quarter of an hour. It was also nice to see Chris Nurse exact crushing retribution on their niggly centre forward after a flailing arm caught our hero in the face.

Added Sunday 16th November

Hitchin Town 0 Halesowen Town 1

Substance over style I think you'd call it. A scrappy victory against a Hitchin side with six debutants and on the receiving end of two red cards might be what is needed to turn the season around.

Our two Portuguese players are on board. Nuno Miguel Correia Barretto (he's going to need a nickname) played yesterday and the other one, who is currently nameless, did not.

Added Thursday 13th November

Apparently we are after two Portuguese players who, if given clearance, will have the same impact as Eldon did last season. I doubt it personally but you never know. Eldon, pictured on the left against a goalkeeper who looks like he should be in Abba, is still much missed at the Grove and I often think back to his Chippenham wonder goal when another chance is blazed over the bar this season.

Added Wednesday 12th November

Strange goings on last night. Firstly, we beat Stafford Rangers 7-1 away in a reserve game. Unusual but not earthshattering. Hilmi Michi, of whom I have always spoken very highly, got a couple of goals. And Darren Caskey played the whole game in goal! The penalty save must be going to his head. Maybe he's not the keeper I thought he was though because he let in a goal. Rubbish.

Added Tuesday 11th November

Saturday's opponents Hitchin Town have gone berserk in the transfer market signing six new players in an attempt to kick start their slow start to the season. This can go one of two ways for the Yeltz and I think I know which way I'd be putting my money on at the moment.

Added Sunday 9th November

Perhaps I was slightly uncharitable in my assessment of yesterday's game. We weren't terrible but at the moment it is not particularly obvious as to where the goals are going to come from.

I read this morning that Nick Wright, who was with us for a short time last season, has been called up to the England 'C' team. He's the only player from outside the Blue Square Premier in the squad and it's a sure sign that he's on the up and up. Fair play to him - he was great when we beat King's Lynn 4-1 last season.

Added Saturday 8th November

Halesowen Town 0 Farnborough 1

Unless Darren Caskey scores from a free kick we don't look like scoring ever again. Farnborough are nothing special either but they could have won by four or five. "I would have scored that!" cried a little Halesowen fan as their centre forward hit the bar from two yards out in a contender for miss of the season. He would have as well. Our centre forwards wouldn't have though.

Added Wednesday 5th November

On the night we celebrate Guy Fawke's doomed attempt to blow up the seat of England's democracy, I announce something only slightly less significant. Issue 3 of Bright Golden Haze (planned for Christmas/New Year) wil feature a Yeltz all time XI feature so I need you to vote for your all time greatest Yeltz team. Please send your teams (in a 4-4-2 formation please, although Mr Maison may not approve) through the contact page or, if you are registered, through the Yeltz forum.

Added Tuesday 4th November

Tom Kemp looks like he has got all the attributes to be a good centre half. Tall, athletic and apparently comfortable on the ball he should be a rock at the heart of the defence. Yet all too often he has played like a third centre forward for the opposition and, frankly, heads the ball like a girl. That's still better than me but I haven't been playing for Halesowen. Anyway, he's been released and I'm not altogether surprised.

Added Sunday 2nd November

"I had nothing to do with that at all - the issue was handled by our chairman Martin Kearns because of the emotions involved. I did not necessarily agree with the outcome of the Dean moving to Corby, but we move on."

It's ex-chairman Martin Kearns of course now, but those are the words of Morell Maison. For "not necessarily agree"' I think we can read "absolutely totally bloody disagree" and, at the risk of baseless conjecture, perhaps we have one reason why Mr Kearns is no more?

Added Sunday 2nd November

Apparently Morell Maison came onto the supporters' bus after the game yesterday to apologise for the team's abject performance. It is slightly unfortunate timing then that a piece appeared in the NonLeague Today paper this morning with him saying that this team are potentially better than last season's side. Now, I know he could hardly say this team isn't fit to lace last year's boots but if I was him I would have started coughing loudly and feigning deafness at this point in the interview. It's still early days and we've only played 4 games out of 11 at home so this could come back to slap me in the face, but this team is nowhere near as good. Yet. I think we'll see more signings this week.

Added Saturday 1st November

Banbury United 2 Halesowen Town 1

Reports coming back from the game suggest that this was as a poor a perfomamce as the result suggests. Defeat to a team in 21st place at the start of the day is not the stuff of promotion charges. Sounds like Darren Caskey scored another great free-kick though. He was obviously inspired by my reverential prose in the fanzine.